What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:49
I write beautiful poetry .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I have no regrets .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?
I think the readers, may guess!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Would this be the day?
Doesn't Musk hire Security for his Tesla dealerships?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What are some mind-blowing facts about Michael Jackson?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I don,t even have a pension.
One cannot live in the past .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I will be 64.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So whats the point in blame.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Ive learnt so much.
Who then, do I blame.?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
How do you get people to follow your Quora Space?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
What did i know ?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Should India conduct another air strike to attack Pakistan over the Pahalgam attack?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
All the time i was locked up.
I was scared of men, in general
Comes on , in middle age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So, i spoilt her more .
I could never make a relationship work though!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I said to her
We all went to grammer schools
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My life is so biszare .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i lived it daily.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Put me off passion for life!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was very sick at this time too.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She married twice! .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Especially a lifetime of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But, we were locked up after school.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were not on the streets..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He knew the spot.
My family never makes their pension either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
This is soul school!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was seconnd youngest,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was 9 years of age.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She wouldn,t have been !
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im still living with it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was in good health!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I waited trembling.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.